On to Agreement number three of Don Miguel Ruiz's, The Four Agreements.
Don't Make Assumptions:
*Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.
*Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.
*With just this one agreement you can completely transform your life.
Before you assume, ask.
So many times we don't ask out of fear of being judged or criticized for simply not knowing.
Be courageous enough to ask. Making assumptions is a habit that can be destructive and stressful. Assumptions can destroy a relationship. It's lack of clear communication.
An assumption is a conjecture or speculation. It's something that one quickly imagines according to the beliefs and perceptions established in the subconscious. In other words, an assumption is a misinterpretation or a misunderstanding.
We then easily jump to hasty conclusions, unconsciously make up a story, believe it, and before we know it, we are in the middle of some kind of drama that is causing suffering for everyone involved.
The mind has the amazing ability to make up stories, and we get carried away by them, believing them to be true.
The mind is capable of fabricating tragedies or victories. An assumption is a mistaken idea, whether good or bad.
The moment you start making assumptions, you step out of the present moment and live your life out of 'what ifs' and from a place of fear, worry and stress.
Anytime we believe an assumption, we are no longer in the present.
Assumptions are based on fear and the need to know. The moment we create a story out of our need to control the outcome, we start feeling stress and our body tightens.
When assumptions appear, scenarios and conversations start playing in our mind. These feelings of discomfort and angst are our cue. You have stepped out of the present moment and are about to be swept up in a whirlwind of drama.
It is in this moment that we can choose to embrace uncertainty. Surrender to the unknown. The truth is that the only certain thing in life is uncertainty.
Weed out the thoughts and tame the mind back into the now. It takes practice and courage. Be open and willing to release the assumptions and attachments.
It is in the present moment that we stand in our power.
Not making assumptions means having the integrity to speak the truth and the courage to ask questions. It is making a commitment to yourself to act and speak consciously.
What if we knew that we all acted with integrity and good intentions?.
How would that change the way we respond to life?
We are always so adamant about being right, that we give up peace and happiness to prove the veracity of where we stand. We treasure being right more than being happy.
This agreement reminds me of this ancient Taoist story which beautifully illustrates how effortless living in the flow of the present moment can be:
Once upon a time there was an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. His neighbors came to visit.
“Such bad luck!” they said sympathetically.
“Maybe,” the farmer replied.
The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses.
“How wonderful!” the neighbors exclaimed.
“Maybe,” replied the old man.
The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.
"What a tragedy!" they cried.
“Maybe,” answered the farmer.
The following day, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by.
The neighbors congratulated the farmer, "You are so lucky!"
The farmer replied, “Maybe.”
The farmer remains present, in total acceptance and without attachment to what was happening in his experience. Without conclusions or assumptions.
This short story shows how we easily and frequently make assumptions based on personal perceptions and beliefs.
Not making assumptions does not mean agreeing with everyone. It simply means that we can choose to practice living in acceptance and without attachment.
Not making assumptions doesn't mean agreeing with everyone. It simply means that we can choose to practice living in acceptance and without attachment.
Become more aware of your thoughts. Notice if you are playing a story in your mind, an assumption. Notice your mind, your body and how it feels.
Simply notice... without judgement. Ask yourself: Is this true?
Ready to let go of your mind and free yourself? Schedule your session to start living in alignment with your being.
In Lak'ech,
Blanca